david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
