I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
