does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
