i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk is not a location!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
