ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
