No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
