i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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