I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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