Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The beer is more important than you right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
