At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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