I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
