party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
