Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
