Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
