i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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