If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
