I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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