What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
