That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
