I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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