her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
