Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
