So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
