We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
