somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
