She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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