got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need to stop coming to work sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
