first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
