Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
