Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
