Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
