Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So much rum. So many feels.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
