**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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