We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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