I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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