Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
