New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
