omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
