It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
