I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
