My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
