I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
