what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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