I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
