I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
