I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
