I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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