I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
