ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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