uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
