somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
